a prayer

my usual day begins with a prayer. let the journey begin. another day, another challenge, another chance to touch people's lives. i pray for everything and everyone, most especially for persons closest to my heart. there is only one path to happiness, and that is the RIGHT path. sometimes, we just dont understand how beautiful life can be. but now, im different. im a changed person, so to speak. life is worth living afterall, life is beautiful afterall.

sunshine after the rain

when you're down, there is no way but up. im literally slumped in the ground, my head bowed. so i guess there is no other way but pick myself up. i recently tried to pick up the broken pieces of my so called life. and gradually, i'm beginning to smile again. i realized that there are more people out there who have bigger problems. i failed, yes, but it's not the end of the world. im beautiful ( i hope so), im educated, my family loves me, my friends care for me. and yes, i have a whole life ahead of me. i shouldn't waste it. i shouldn't waste it on people who do not care about me. according to one of my co residents: the only people you need in your life are the ones who prove that they need them in yours. AMEN to that!

loser

my days are spent doing nothing. my nights are the worst. they are spent thinking about my life, and what went wrong. how i ended up being a loser. my academic life is a failure. my lovelife, a disaster. my family life is chaotic. my financial status can be summed up in one word - bankrupt. i have lost everything i have in my life, my self respect and self esteem included. i think i also lost my friends. not a single person of my so called friends truly understands exactly what i'm going through. this time, i have to do everything on my own. i have to be better. i have to get up from being a loser. i have to toughen up. after all, i am all alone. it's just me......its just me.

with failure comes humility

my life is falling apart. i totally failed the specialty board exams. i'm totally out of control. i have been crying my heart out for the past 3 days, and it's quite annoying already. i have made so many plans, but apparently, it will take some time to get things started....i guess i'll have to wait for another year (for the next exam). everything is turning in the wrong direction. nothing good is happening to me. is this karma? lessons learned: (1) thou shall not covet anybody's boyfriend (2) prepare adequately (3) with failure comes humility.

dark moments

i just hurdled my diplomate exams. after several months of preparation, its finally over. im just waiting for the results. i hope to god that i passed that exam. it will open a lot of doors for me. there's one more aspect of my life that i havent ironed out yet. i just realized that i'm the jealous type. in a fit of anger, i confronted an intern who has been quite cozy with my love.everything just turned black.....and after that, i was remorseful. i wish i had not done that. it was a cheap move. totally out of character for me. gosh........these are really the darkest days of my life.........i hope this wont last. this is just a phase.

circle

it has been close to three weeks since i left the hospital. suddenly, everything changed. the routine is not there anymore. i missed the action. i missed the fun. i even missed the hordes of patients that line up at the out patient department, like bees swarming around....... and then i realized that everything is just a cycle. we start with new things in our life, once we're through, we start again with something new. Scary and fun at the same time. To quote Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know what you're gonna get". And he is so right......so damn right.

crossroads

there comes a point in our lives when we are faced with big decisions. these are decisions that would greatly influence the course of our lives. what comes next? tough...... i feel sad and happy at the same time because i am about to finish my residency training. Happy, because i finished 4 years of training (and that means sleepless nights, endless calls, numerous patients, multiple grand rounds). But well, admittedly, quite sad, because i'm leaving evrything behind. And that means leaving my one true love behind, my halley's comet.....he's a constellation of all attributes. i do not really know what the future brings for both of us. i am not expecting a lot. hopefully, he loves me as much as i love him. it is what will really keep me going.