halleys commet

in the film "Must Love Dogs", John Cusack described his love as "my halley's comet". i do feel that way too. but its disappointing to note that im not his halleys comet. im just a star in his constellation, and im not even the brightest star at that. its quite difficult. knowing that you love someone, who doesnt love you back. how in the hell can i cure a broken heart? tough! never knew that life could be this difficult.

hurt

hurt is just a 4 letter word. but damn, i didnt know that hurt could hurt that much. its more than physical pain. its like a deep, stabbing, scorching ache that doesnt go away. i wonder if words are enough to describe what im feeling right now. no words can actually explain the hurt that im feeling. in its most fundamental sense, they say that it is not what people do to us that hurts us, rather, it is our chosen response to what they do to us. However, amidst rationalization, i still can't believe how much pain im experiencing right now. it is just not possible. not possible to love someone so badly, and be hurt to see and know that he is with someone else. simply impossible.

vivo

tonight, jay ( a medical rep) asked us out for dinner at vivo cafe. its a cozy place. iv been here several times (of course with HIM), and i have a feeling that the vivo staff knew me already....hihihi. anyway, it was a fun night and we all enjoyed great food (loved the beef tostadas!), a couple of san mig lights (its actually almost always present), good coffee, great company, lively conversations......what more could i ask? life is good. definitely good.

why i should not

there are so many reasons why i should NOT love HIM, Namely: 1. he has a girlfriend 2. he is engaged with his girlfriend 3. he is always wearing his engagement ring 4. he never said that he loved me 5. he often says that there are other girls except me 6. he has plans for the future for his girlfriend, but none with me 7.he is insensitive 8.he is childish 9. he has no remorse 10. he hurts me a lot............there are more but those are the most important. what is really ironic is that there is only one reason why i should love him.......and that is because i DO love him. and for that, i am willing to be awarded as " THE MOST PATHETIC GIRL IN THE WORLD".

i will never pass this way again.

im 31 years old, il be 32 next month. iv spent almost all my life studying and preparing for the future. hoping to succeed in my chosen field. i have done a lot of things and achieved accomplishments beyond my dreams. im at the peak of my life. young and accomplished. i can do anything i want. but somehow, it feels hollow. iv missed a lot of birthdays, christmases and time with people who matter most in my life. no one can bring back time. i sure regret not being able to linger with family and friends for as long as i want. but then again, life is a choice. we choose which path to take. there should be no regrets......

relationships

relationships are never easy. love is overrrated, often misused and almost always equated with physical intimacy. yesterday, i made a very big gamble on someone. never mind if he has a girlfriend, never mind if he's in love with someone else. what the heck! i've lost my "rational self". somewhere along the way, i became selfish.......and this is called LOVE? i don't know. i really have no idea what the future brings. but right now, im happy. im simply happy. and the most interesting part is-----i have no idea why im happy.

my thoughts

id like to share something from "the purpose driven life": to make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be. simplify your life. take away the clutter. get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends and dangerous liasons. dont abandon your responsibilities, but dont overdose on duty.